A Poem by yours truly

[Shigunetheseraph]

Here's a poem that I wrote yesterday. Try to guess the moral and comment!




In a forest green
A boy was lean
And in that forest there was no gleam
He hadn't eaten for days it seemed
From a stomach weak, he became a sleeper
Minutes later, the one who tapped
And woke him up was a mushroom reaper
Then the reaper said,
"Ah, I see from starvation, you're nearly dead.
So I'll tell you what, there's these mushrooms on my head.
Here's what you have to do,
A nibble or two
Is all that'll do.
These mushrooms were made from a healthy brew."

The boy thought : Fly agaric! Fly agaric!"
What a disturbing thought
Through poisonous mushrooms
And a simple nibble of death
Is all he had been taught
So the boy said "No, no
That's a no-go.
That there's a fly agaric I see,
If I take a nibble
Or two or three
I'd be D-E-A-D!"

He left the reaper
The reaper had scoffed
For he knew
That if the boy took a bite, and never knew of the poison
He surely would've been offed!

[Mirsa]

I didnt know shanatto was in the forums..xp..but yeah this is actually pretty great^^...my eyes did this O.O a few times also..and that a good thing btw..xp..lol...nice rhymes and theme too^^

[Proximately]

That was really good up until the end. I think the whole
"For he knew
That if the boy took a bite, and never knew of the poison "
was dragging it out a bit. My version would go;
The reaper had scoffed
"For had the boy taken a poisonous bite
he would have been offed"

Shortenings shouldn't be used in poems either.

It may look like a lot of critique but I actually really liked it. Keep it up Shigune!

[Shigunetheseraph]

That was really good up until the end. I think the whole
"For he knew
That if the boy took a bite, and never knew of the poison "
was dragging it out a bit. My version would go;
The reaper had scoffed
"For had the boy taken a poisonous bite
he would have been offed"

Shortenings shouldn't be used in poems either.

It may look like a lot of critique but I actually really liked it. Keep it up Shigune!

It's okay. I've been critiqued many times before. By the way, do you know what the overall theme of this poem is?

[Proximately]

No. I don't. :-/

[Shigunetheseraph]

No. I don't. :-/

You should never eat mushrooms in the wild.

[Proximately]

Ah, see I always figure there's something deeper and life revealing about poems. But I often find myself mistaken, like here. Indeed, never eat mushrooms in the wild. Kind of obvious I guess. ^^

[Shigunetheseraph]

Ah, see I always figure there's something deeper and life revealing about poems. But I often find myself mistaken, like here. Indeed, never eat mushrooms in the wild. Kind of obvious I guess. ^^

Yet, the Mario Bros do it anyway. Did you ever notice that the mushrooms that make them grow almost look like those same poisonous mushrooms I said in the poem? (Fly agaric)

[Proximately]

Yes, yes. I know. I've always found it misleading. Poor gaming generation won't know what to do when they're faced with the immediate green nature of earth.

[Shigunetheseraph]

Yes, yes. I know. I've always found it misleading. Poor gaming generation won't know what to do when they're faced with the immediate green nature of earth.

Not unless you were Sora and you fought a flower-based grim reaper... am I right?(He kinda does control nature, somewhat)